Sunday, June 13, 2010

Dr Jackal and Mr Pain in my Hyde

LGO has a split personality.  The schism is getting more and more pronounced by the day, I swear.  And he can switch at the drop of a hat, in the blink of an eye, and at just about any other cliche you can muster. If I wasn't so close to the fire, I'd find his behaviour fascinating.  Really, the toddler mind is fascinating.  Problem is, no one can stand to be around him for long enough to study it. 

When he's good, he's good. When he's bad, he's unbearable
Think that sounds harsh?  You obviously don't have a toddler, or the memory of having a toddler is now distant and hazy. Lucky you. The triggers that generally bring out the Hyde in LGO are other kids.  Not just the prospect of sharing toys but sharing attention.  While it's perfectly normal (mis)behaviour at his age, I wish I knew a better way to handle the situation without wanting to reach for the aspirin or, depending on the day, the vodka.  I feel like he's too young to grasp a timeout.  I've tried taking him into another room to defuse the bomb.  But the only time he really tends to calm down is after the offending party has left.  Then he's triumphant, of course, and I'm despairing. And contemplating what Supernanny would do in my shoes.  Who bloody knows. One thing's for sure, though: she wouldn't reach for the vodka...

I'm not a raging alcoholic, but
I feel on the brink of some kind of hair-tearing madness when Hyde makes his appearance.  One minute LGO will be hurling toys, or food, or kicking and writhing on the floor.  In the next breath he's belly laughing, exposing those irresistible Chicklet teeth, or nuzzling into my lap for an impromptu cuddle.  My incurable cuddle bug, he knows what squidgy buttons to press, let me tell you.

I never thought I'd cheat on my husband, but
Here I am, in love with another man.  He may be just three feet tall, and yet my heart swells whenever I lay eyes on him.  I'm punch drunk on the smell of his skin, especially when I burrow in the crook of his neck.  I seize every opportunity to hold him close.  No matter how many times I do it, it never feels like nearly enough. Yes, I've got it bad and it feels so good.  I've said it before, but man oh man that Mother Nature is a sly fox.  With all the love hormones pumping around my system, it's the only way I can tolerate that bastard Hyde's cameos.  It's like U.S. of Tara without the punchlines.

I don't even have to beg, borrow, or steal his affection, either
For now at least he comes to me, and I'm lapping it up. Hearing his little squeak of a voice pronouncing -- and mispronouncing -- his latest words is too cute for words. I now know why people keep on procreating far beyond sense and dollars. Never mind cloning sheep (as if the world needed more dumb sheep -- there are, like, omigod, already so many), if scientists could find a way to bottle up and encapsulate both the squeak and the cuddles to see us through the meltdowns and the teenage years, they'd get my vote for the Nobel...

And you? How do you go about civilizing your little savage?


  1. Hi,
    I'm following from MBC.


  2. Hmmm...maybe I am a functioning alcoholic, LOL! However my favorite quote is by Dean Martin: " I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when they wake up in the morning that's the best they are going to feel all day"
    I feel the best when Master Chunk goes to bed, Papa Ash comes home and I have a nice chilled glass of wine to wash away the tantrums of the day.
    It's the age, we all go through it. God forbid we take their toys away when they are misbehaving, throwing their food across the room and kicking their legs and screaming when it's time to go in. Speaking of, I think it's time for another play date.
    Great post. You rock mama.

  3. I'm on my third child, and it's amazing I can complete a sentence. And the third? He's a screamer. And a hitter. And throws unbelievable tantrums. Did I mention he's only 15 months? If he didn't throw me a bone every now and again by being unbelievably cute and snuggly, I'd be at Betty Ford right about now.

  4. Monkeybone hit the terrible twos at 14 months and I am still waiting for them to pack it in and be on their way. With him it was the public tantrums that were so frustrating (and the stares were probably from people who either don't have or have forgotten about toddlers). I did a lot of reading on the subject and the most valuable thing that I read was we are our toddler's only advocate and in times of anger, overexcitement, sadness, frustration or whatever other whim triggers a tantrum we are there to help them negotiate through the often intimidating world. Keeping that in mind helped. Also red wine seems to do the trick.

  5. I can't wait until I can start civilizing my daughter! Am covered in scabs and bruises from her pinches and pokes. But she turned one today and, sing along with the experts, "she's tooooo yooouuunng" for anything like timeouts and the like. Am only allowed to say "no pinching" and to "avert my attention."

    Too bad am not one for drinking! Luckily the "love hormones," as you aptly call them, wash away the rage fairly quickly.

  6. Hello,

    I wanted to let you know that I am following you from Moms Blogger Club, "The New Blogs Club" group. I am hoping when you get a chance you can follow me back at and Also, I would love to place a link to your site on my blog if you want to do the same with my blog on yours. Please let me know by sending me an email regarding this and it has been nice meeting you via the web.

    Thanks, Tracey
    (a.k.a Britney/ author)

  7. Ah, you lovelies always know how to make a mama feel better. I promise not to regale you with more tantrum horror stories for a while. Cheryl, with 3 I'm surprised you can complete a thought, much less a sentence! Hi new followers, and welcome... I will be checking you out shortly xx